Take all the Ugly shit inside and Try to make it Beautiful

Sermon Rough Draft- Ant Life

I think the hardest thing to wrap around as a christian is that our lives in our perception is small and insignificant. 
- List natural disasters with huge casualities-
That because of God’s authority and his position we can’t complain about being dwarfed and nearly nothing. 
That he can wipe us all off the planet if He wants. 
But fortunately for us, He gave us purpose because He is a loving God.  So much so that He gave his one and only son Jesus Christ for our sins when he could have just killed us and started over. 
When we step on an ant we think nothing of it .  But God is not us when we step on ants.  We don’t think when we step over an ant and kill it, and we don’t care but God cares about us, . .. blah blah. Edit like crazy

We may be on this world for once purpose and then die. we may do many great things for the kingdom of Heaven and then die.  We probably won’t even be aware of the things God has used us for because there is no way we can comprehend the scope of everything that we do like Him (butterfly effect) . 

08 21 2014

Fears , Work in progress

Wake Up with Cold sweats
Can Barely Breathe

Am I Alive… Is my heart even beating

If it is,….. then let me die please
because how can I live with

my anxiety up this many degrees

I clutch my heart, I blink my eyes it’s too dark to even see

Will this hell ever end, someone please set me free

Oh wait… it was just a bad fucking dream

God but it still hurts , I can’t hold back the inaudible screams

Caused by my fears,

I can feel it.. hold onto me

laughing at me,… taunting me

feeding off my feelings

Please, just get out because deep down you might be right

I am a fool, I am stupid, and it’s consuming me these sleepless nights

If my heart is earth, then get out and go to mars,
because this planet it’s about to explode and become an un noticed star

hopeless, among millions, pointless, the trillions,

It’s why I cant go a day without thinking,

and that’s why i’m here singing

08 20 2014

O Eight, Twenty, Twenty Fourteen

It’s 08 20, 2014 24

240 lbs or something I dont know I just want to be lean

But i’m struggling not about the motivation,

the reasons ? it’s entirely about the frustration.

Can I do it? am I good enough? probably not.

My mind is weighing me down with each and every thought.

It’s so loud, God can you make it stop.

You know what? It’s probably a message from up top.


Because it’s true, i’m making this into something it’s not.

The motivation is right there i can name them on the spot

I’m sick of people looking at me

putting boxes all around

seeing me as nothing, with their .stares pushing me down

Why? Because you’re skinny and therefore pretty?

Please your sheer shallowness is not a form of pity

but to be honest, even tho I felt Shitty,

it helped me know the importance of being real, to the real me.. yeh***


Fake smiles, two faces, drunk and high for other people’s embraces.

You think I don’t know what tool bags are, look at see whom im facing

Yall make me want to be healthy because when i’m there,
you won’t be able to look down at me, i’ll be on the tower of Babel

beyond your fake bullshit empathy , no get away don’t embrace me.
Writing This song is my therapy, the beautiful remedy from the melody.

I’m fine truly. I don’t need you, but thanks for being my motivation,

without yall there would have been no affirmation


08 20 2014